i've been trying to keep my gramma company as much as i can
i have NO idea when the domestic helper
(NOTE: it has been over TWO months alrdy)

i tell you, the agency-in-charge is so incapable
it appalls me knowing some stupid B-list star even endorses the agency

crap
but that's beside the point

i said that i keep gramma company right

i try to assist her when she cooks
she doesnt give a hoot to our cries of refraining her from her all time passion

an avid fan of the chillies and onions and chopping and frying and what nots
her eye's visibility only 30% for her right eye, the left's long gone

yes, she only has that much of an eyesight
alhmdlh, she still has an eyesight

nonetheless...
cooking can be quite a task

i try to be home as much as i can ,
home being at her house of course; nothing beats gram's house ryt?

i engage in a conversation with her
though i notice its been a challenge to get my message across lately

i trim her toenails when she asks me to
and how i hate the nail clipper

i try to read jawi for her to prepare her notes for lessons
she conducts classes still. and her past notes are largely in jawi

when i do sleep over or before i leave her house for mine,
i massage her as we watch suria (and make sure i wash and scrub my hands of the medicated oil when im done, haha)

and these days
i cannot help but notice the sadness in her eyes

"nasib baik netty ada, kalau netty takde, nek tak tau ape lah"
loose translation: lucky netty's around, if not, i wont know what to do

she asked me if i am sleeping over again
i declined

the thing is,
i feel morbid la

i listed all the things that i helped her with right?
no im not taking credit for any one of them

sometimes, i admit, just sometimes, it aint easy being with her
yes, sometimes i just grumble about or mutter under my breath
or ask her alot until she gets fed up

and i hate it
immediate regret

these days, i just say a little prayer to ward off the little devilish voice that adds fuel to the fire
take a deep breath,
and consciously tell myself

i only have her left
Lord, just bless me with the patience