flushed
aftermath of yesterday's night rendevous, perhaps

flushed

i thought i could, i just couldnt. i would, as i have MANY times before, simply allow all of it to fall down and hope to feel better the next minute. only to feel that flush of fever. THAT SAME ONE. im sorry. i didnt mean to. i just did. and i have no idea why i did. i just did. for EVERYTHING. i cried for you. i cried for us. i.cried..for.me. and as my eyes keep getting clouded, i'll just keep trudging.

the other side of the coin is the happy me. im like some wind-up toy. you can wind me up. see me happy. see me real happy. yet this exhaustion sets in. quick. i am not a toy, sadly. no. i am but a girl. i hate this. i dont always do this. i have never publicise my mostest deepest feelings on the net. but im just too clouded.

no one has any idea how hard it is to insert some polyplasticshit stuff into them red eyes. and as i did it. i felt that whiff of achievement. only to be shattered completely when that song plays on the tv. as i heard it, i crumble. helpless.wrapped in my towel. perched on the edge of the toilet seat. bun high up on my head. tears.just.falling. each time im low, it never fails to sort out keep me going. yes chris, nobody said it would be this hard. im going back to the start.

you know what i mean? im sure you do.

dont worry about me, cos i'll be fine. bun high up in the air. i'll be just fine.