it is a little over one am. on friday morning. a wee bit past my usual bed time. i have no nuts as to why i am still awake. actually.

nak cakap can sleep, i'd be lying. nak cakap cannot sleep, i'd also be lying. think i'd stay for a bit more. im reading but not the readings for the proposal due tomorrow. im typing but not typing for it either.

im just here. and i feel like typing. so typing i shall.

and my bludy back's bludy hurting me bad. koyok, yet again. i'd made that mental note to sit the right posture whilst using computer/lappie. and then i'd made that subtle mental note to fark-it.

p ramlee's playing on the stereo. i dont usually listen to him. in fact, i'd never heard this particular song he's serenading. but there are those usual favorites i suppose. i wonder what's life like being him. then again i never quite fancy him la. what am i rambling!

i can never quite get this. why people have this really contorted twisted perception of this miss-know-it-all, hardworking-up-her-ass view of me i really dont get it. i mean, dont get me wrong, i may know bits here and there. and im the sort who would just let ideas roll off her tongue, albeit in an incoherent manner. thus making 'sense' out of my nonsense.

but i dont know everything ok.
damnit.

Question:
do i have this 'information counter' sign hovering on top of my head?
ok. dont answer that. on hindsight, that does sound silly. comical.

so dont you dare ASSUME - because that's what it is (besides, judge) - things about me. at least, not expect me to know everything ALL the time can. it's so very tiring larh.

but me being me. one am plus plus still layan-ing others. it's just me la. i aint no push-over. but i dont wanna be a pull-over either.

so here i am.

anyways, i'd finally given up waiting. (for those hopeless romantics, jangan worry, i am still very much in love with babyboo) it's just that work/sch's been hectic to the max for the both of us. haha. what else is new. i reckon it's these minor things that make the major thing make it. or break it.

so we'd been living off this sorta creed i'd invented to safe my own sanity. c/mmwyc. call/msgmewhenyoucan. and then that would safe me from sanity (i KNW it's purely psychological altering my cognitions, but let me be, will you) BECAUSE then, there wouldn't be any expectations. of him calling. and all that unwanted 'he doesnt love me' thoughts. trust me; netty can go mad with her wild train of thoughts.

i'd finally gave up waiting to hear news since TUESDAY can. we ALL know he's been unwell since the weekends. he could have fainted. he could have been warded. he could have been buried (touchMAJORwood) for all i know and i wouldnt have had the slightest news about it. (read: netty went mad) he had asthma at four and it might be a relapse or his lung could have been punctured. internal injury. (read: netty went berserk)

nth call later, he answered la. and 2.55minutes later, saved his handsome ass from my Wrath of Fury (cheh, cheh, macam real only). yes, it is amazing the power of one to transform another's pretty shitty day to a pretty day in less than a fraction of a .. you get the drift.

it's just amazing how He'd showed me how much he meant to me. and how much i'd doa-ed to Him for his safety. and how syukur i am to Him on hearing him well.

so with that, i think i shall finally hit the sack la. friday's going to be beautiful somehow. with this proposal DOLLED-UP somehow

a day at gramma's later O:)

AND THEN weekends can just envelope me whole with lalalove
she thinks: bfast/wholesome saturday with mumdad
sunday all for mr moonman