As I woke up this morning to yet another silent phone, I realised.

This hasnt been the easiest thing. You away hasnt been the easiest on me. It's not similar to Tekong. Or Nee Soon. Or even the lousiest reception in all of SAFTI.

This is all new.

With nightfall for each day that passes me by, I pray He keeps you safe under His Watchful Eye as I quickly mark out another cross on the calender. As if to speed up another day.

Perhaps like a broken record, I've played your voice messages, just so as to keep me company - and sometimes, keep me sane. With a fickle mind, I'd changed the screensaver too just so that I have a different you greeting me daily.

I've been keeping my days filled with activities. Had conversations with many to fend off thoughts of you. Kept my nights glued to the google box or doing crafts to deviate my attention off worries. Admittedly, I didnt want to be weak; I am stubborn, I have my pride, you know me. And yet.

You are still in my mind, heart & prayers. As always.

I know I had asked for it too many times. I'd wanted to feel what it was like to be just me. And not having to think about the many things I think about. At times, I even conjure the sight of you looking back at me with that cheeseballs grin of yours and subtly motioning to me 'ah... kan... you yang nak sangat per'

I have felt what it's like not having you around. Hypocritically silly as it may sound since you were never around physically around -we may be the closest to what a long-distance relationship is on this island - but you get what i mean.

This feeling just plain sucks, can.

Come home soon, tau.