Honestly speaking, I havent been myself lately. I dont know if Work in itself is taking on a major toll on me. Or simply this nature of Work that I have chosen to pursue. Or its entailing Circumstances.

What's real is that my face has lost its hue, that liveliness that was so linked to being me. and I dont need anybody to tell me that that is not healthy. Please. Truth be told, you dont have to utter a single thing, I bet it's written on my face, my .. colourlessness.

The toss-up remains: happiness or possible .. stability.

The more I look around, the more I see myself slowly emerging into that Green-Eyed Monster. Why. This. Why. Did. I. How come. she is happy with what she is doing, with the choices she had made. she has all the joy the world can bloody give. even she has a passion in her life, a break from Work.

Why do I compare myself with others when... honestly, wasnt this my choice?

My so called calling in life. How then can I be grunting and grumbling? What right do I have to be blabbering my worries away to others? I feel that familiar suffocating ache. I had been walking around aimlessly far too many times, I drive myself up the wall. 'What-if's conveniently come pouring in. I get too emotionally involved in these things, I know.

I am also aware that I am not fair. Most of the times, towards the few good-natured others who are but unlucky to be at close proximity to me. They see my meltdowns, they hear my pained cries. I did tell you, too emotionally involved. Most of the other times, I feel like I am not being fair to myself. I made a mistake, a poor judgment of my Life's Career and now, I'm still sorting myself out.

Time to be fair to myself, no?

live Life as it comes, netty.